I’m so stressed out. First of all, Mike lost his job in mid-March and hasn’t even had one interview since. Second, we need to move out on our own as a family BEFORE the wedding, but without a job Mike can’t afford to move. I’ll be getting money when school starts from FAFSA but that is a while off, and I can’t support us on that money. (I CAN support me and Mairéad, but not rent and Mike too)
So those are pressing issues for sure, but what is mainly on my mind is that I lack the friendships to deal with my stress. Yes, I have my mom and I have Mike, but my mom is stressed herself over her own bills and problems, and Mike feels the extreme pressure from all sides, and therefore I can’t really vent to him either. I feel like making new friends is such a huge hurdle to climb. How are you supposed to do it? LOL. I feel like if I randomly ask someone for their number that they’ll think I’m weird or desperate. I feel like asking to “hang out” seems childish, like “do you want to play today?”, and asking someone to lunch would be fabulous, but I lack the funds to be able to. How do adults even start a friendship?!
Not only is it hard to start a friendship, it is even harder to understand how to cultivate it. It seems like an insurmountable obstacle to break into someone’s world. I don’t have many true friendships, and most of those people don’t even live nearby! It seems like all the amazing people I meet that I would love to become better friends with already have their core group of friends. Everyone else seems like they have these little cliques of best friends, people who they can call on in a time of need, but I don’t have that. I don’t have someone to call if I need a shoulder to cry on, and I wish I did. I wish I had friends who needed me and who I could help too. And I can’t imagine how to break into someone’s life and become friends, especially how to become close friends.
By the way, I never have had a “best friend” who considered me theirs too. Having Mairéad didn’t make my friends disappear, they truly never existed to begin with. I do think it is harder now to make non-parent friends because they assume I can’t do anything (I CAN do things, btw, my mom is a very willing babysitter or else Mairéad is portable). I really truly miss having gal-pals to talk to about anything, to complain to, to have fun with, and to be there for. I hate having so many acquaintances who I wish were real friends! Especially I miss having the best friend I never had.