Friday, June 13, 2014

Disposable Friendships

In our society if it isn't easy, pleasing, perfect, and what you imagined it would be like, we at "taught" to remove it as soon as possible. This ideology is prevalent throughout every facet I can think of. Your car runs fine but doesn't have GPS built in? Ditch it. Your boyfriend made you mad? He must be a horrible person so get rid of him! Did your friend dare to have a differing opinion? What a total *witch*! 

This is the mentality of most people I come across, and what is worse is I still never see it coming. 

I have to admit, I am absolutely not like this. I believe in making the best of what I have, working through trouble spots in my relationships and agreeing to disagree without holding it against someone. 

I find myself constantly wishing for a like-minded friend, someone who will be there for me if I need someone. I would be there for any one of my friends in a heartbeat if they needed to talk, or to just have a good cry. I have had very, very few friends who have ever been there fire me in any capacity and it seems that they leave me shortly after my needs are met. I have so much to offer as a friend, I am loyal, I'll stick around, I will listen and I feel I have the life experience to help many people if they are going through the difficulties I have been through. Quite honestly I want to help people, I want to be a friend, I want to bend over backward for your benefit. 

I keep making friends who throw me aside when we have differences of opinions, or a miscommunication. In a marriage those aren't reasons to bail (for a rational adult) so how do "friends" rationalize this act of betrayal? Why not tell me what I do that upsets you so I can have the opportunities to fix it? Why is it so hard to agree to disagree and continue to support each other?

Lastly, a single mother will try to protect her children from heartache by not introducing a man until things are relatively stable so that her children don't get attached then break their hearts when they leave. So how come a mother will make friends with another mother, let their children bond and become friends and then tear their children away from these friends when they no longer are willing to put effort in the relationship with the other mom? Am I the only mother who thinks of this? I care about my kids having friends, and I'd at least try very hard to work at a relationship with another mom who my kinds were involved with her children.

Where did the notion of "it takes a village to raise a child" go? Why is there a marked sense of "everyone for him/herself"? Why can't there be a real support system of women who take care of one another and help with what they can? I haven't found this anywhere, and it is a real shame since I would love to have this comrodery with friends. 

I have great difficulty in finding friend, not even taking into account compatibility. I feel that I can be compatible with nearly any type of person, you merely need to overlook differences and work at meeting one another's needs. That isn't to say innately toxic relationships should be endured, but think before you rashly cast someone aside. Think of you children (if you have any), theirs (if they have any), and the friend in question. And before cutting ties, grow up and confront the issues before throwing in the towel or cutting off someone without even attempting to fix the problem.