Thursday, March 14, 2013

Our Second Conception Story


We had our first child, Mairéad, in 2010. She was conceived at the end of 2009 and was a surprise. We had not been "trying" but we hadn't used any protection for about a year and a half. She was a healthy baby, full term, 9lbs 1oz!

The second time around we started trying to conceive when Mairéad  was around 9 months old (that was April 2011). I got off birth control, and didn't know what else I needed to do. By October I went to the doctor for my annual but also to get advice about our apparent infertility and she suggested that I chart my basal body temperature.

I had done that for a YEAR (I didn't have the money or insurance that would cover our fertility testing) and then went in for my annual and talked more about my still not getting pregnant. She offered to put me on Clomid because my charts were not showing regular ovulation monthly. Now here we are 4 round of Clomid in and voila! Finally, after nearly two years (21 months) of trying we have succeeded!

Trying-to-Conceive Experience
Every month I wasn't pregnant I felt worse. I felt like a failure, and I was very upset. Especially the months where I was a day or two "late", the hopes would build and be crushed. I was about at the point of giving up, it felt hopeless to hope, and depressing to dream about having more children. I felt really alone too, my friends never had problems (at least the vast majority never did). It was agony seeing my friends have children with ease, with barely a year gap. It has been my dream to have children close (less than a year to under 2 years apart) in age and the longer our unexplained infertility stretched the worse and I would be so upset and jealous. It really made me angry when my pregnant friends would complain about being pregnant. I was sitting there thinking how much I wanted to be pregnant, and how much I would love to be experiencing morning sickness if only we could achieve another pregnancy! Mike would just say "It'll happen when it is supposed to happen" which wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted him to be sad too, maybe he was, but he hid it if that was so.

Charting Experience
I charted 17 cycles, and it has helped me a lot knowing my average cycle length. I disciplined myself to not take pregnancy tests until after I was certain it was at least 2 days longer than average, which saved me money and heartbreak from negative pregnancy tests. Once I started Clomid I did have to use a pregnancy test every month before I took my pills, and finally after my fourth round of taking Clomid my pregnancy test was positive! It showed up immediately even though I had only been 5 days “late”. I went to the doctor’s office on that Friday (the 18th of January) for a clinical test and they agreed I was finally pregnant!
Although I charted all that time, I am not sure my charts were always accurate, which is my fault for not taking my temperature at the same time every day, and sometimes forgetting altogether (but no more than once a week did I forget). It made it very hard to find when I ovulated with any accuracy, and when I finally conceived, it showed that I'd ovulated much earlier than I had been thinking it normally was.

Telling the Husband
I took my last pregnancy test on January 18, 2013 in the morning, it was a Wednesday. I took the test then because I was a few days late and my mom wanted to know if I was pregnant before she went into surgery the next morning. It came up positive within 20 seconds, so I didn’t have to even wait the two minutes it says to wait! It was agony to have to wait until Friday to tell Mike, but I didn’t want to tell him between work and class, or at some other point where it wouldn’t have time to really sink in. I wanted to be alone and have hours together to talk about it. So I was waiting until after Mike’s show on Friday night. Let me tell you, those few days were the longest of my life! And the last few hours dragged on to days! I couldn’t wait to tell him, but the closer it got to our alone time, the more nervous and less excited I became. What if he wasn’t happy? What if he reacted in a negative way?

Well we went to get food after his show, and I was too nervous to get anything. My stomach was tied in knots and I felt nauseous. Back at his house (we still don’t have a place together, we live with our respective mothers until we can afford to live together) I waited for him to finish eating. And it seemed to take an unusually long time! After Mike was finished eating, I got a small package out of my purse. I’d used an old jewelry box to put the pregnancy test in and I’d made a “coupon” that was redeemable for one infant at the end of September. Mike opened it, and sat there in silence.  He must have reread that coupon dozens of times, eventually he awakened from his utter disbelief and asked me if I was serious. I told him I was, and that I had gone to the Women’s Medical Center that morning and confirmed it. He sat in silence some more and asked me when we would know for sure. I laughed and told him we already did know!

He insisted that we wait to tell anyone until I was at least 12 or 13 weeks along, so in the case of a miscarriage we wouldn’t have to tell everyone about it. So as I am writing this now, I’m only 4 weeks and 6 days, so we have 7 or 8 weeks to go before I post this publicly.

I know it is impossibly difficult to see all of your healthy friends get pregnant with one baby after the other when you are struggling so hard to get pregnant. It was hard to see them complain about being pregnant when all I wanted to do was *be* pregnant! They took it for granted when I would have loved to have morning sickness!

If you have tried and tried to get pregnant and have felt the heartbreak I have I want you to know you aren't the only one who has had trouble, and with luck and faith, you will get pregnant too! I have a friend who was 45 when she got pregnant with her son, she and her husband had given up all hope, and she was blessed with her son after years and years of trying and heartbreak. It can happen, just try to relax (and I know I never could) and keep trying!


One of the major things I was concerned about before I began publicly announcing this baby was my friends who I knew were actively trying to conceive (some their first child and others their second). I felt I had to tell them first, before even some of my family knew, because I knew how I would feel considering how long we had been trying to conceive. (By the way 2 of my friends that I felt needed to know first had both miscarried at least once, and I felt it would be cruel and unthoughtful to announce my pregnancy without them being notified first)  So the opportunity to tell my friend Dana came one day at church, we were just talking and I told her how much I liked her skirt, which she then told me was "roomy" and told me she was 7 weeks along. I told her, "Me too! I am 7 weeks also!" so that was incredibly awesome and perfect! We both were getting the baby we had hoped for, and better yet only days apart!

The next friend I needed to tell I was saved from telling because she announced it on Facebook before I could see her in person. She'd had at least one miscarriage I knew of, and I had felt it was important to tell her so she wouldn't feel blind-sided.

The third friend I told (Candace) we had tried and tried to take to lunch or dinner, but we both were so busy it never worked out! Finally when I was 10 weeks along she called me and told me she was expecting over the phone, and that she wanted to let me know before she went public with it for the same reasons I wanted to tell her too! And it turned out, she too was 10 weeks along and we are due within days of each other! That makes 2 of my friends that will be having mid/later month September babies! How awesome is that?!

God really has awesome timing, and it will be incredibly fun to have friends who are at the same stages (exactly) as I am throughout our entire pregnancies! 


We had our first ultrasound and it was great! Baby has a heart rate of 165 and was exactly 11 weeks along (which moved my due date three days, but according to my BBT charts, exactly 11 weeks was precisely when I ovulated anyway, I could have told them, lol!) Here is a picture of the ultrasound:


We had our first family pictures of just me, Mairéad and Mike last Friday morning, courtesy of my friend Heather. I had told here that we were intending to surprise Mairéad the news and try to capture the reaction she had that she was going to be a big sister. She'd been talking about babies, and even had told me how she would take care of one (smelling its diaper, singing to them, teaching them how to run, lol) and she had mentioned a few times how she wanted a baby. So I was hoping for a big reaction (like I'd seen with kids' pictures on Pinterest). Well she kind of just stood there, ha ha! We took a video of it though, so we do have her actual reaction documented. She did eventually ask us what the picture (ultrasound) was of. And where the baby's eyes were ;) And finally we asked her if she wanted a brother or a sister, and she replied, "Just a baby!", which we laughed and assured her she would be getting! And since then I had asked her what she wants for her birthday, and she told me, "A baby!" and I told her the baby would come after her birthday and after the fair.